...your richest relative buys a house and you have to help take the wheels off.
...you've ever used lard in bed.
...you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
...you consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
...less than half the cars you own run.
...the primary color of your car is "Bond-O".
...directions to your house include "turn off the paved road...".
...your family tree doesn't fork.
...your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
...you ever hollered "Rock the house, Bubba!" at a piano recital.
...your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sporting event.
...the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
...you regularly answer the question, "What have you been doing lately?", with "partying".
...your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
...you have refused to watch the Acadamy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
... the rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
...you prominently display the gift you bought at Graceland>
... your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
...you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
...you think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
...you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
...you've ever been too drunk to fish.
...you have a rag for a gas cap.
...you had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding picture was taken.
...you have ever used a weedeater indoors.
...your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.